If there is one subject sure to vex young parents it is how to train their child to do that which is right. To add to the problem there are so many diverging theories about how to discipline children - whether to do it at all, whether it damages a child, the difference between discipline and child abuse and these alone are enough subjects to make even the stoutest heart begin to fear ever being up to the task. As with any question in life, we must go to the Bible alone, for it is here that we will find the wisdom we need and then we must carefully seek, with much prayer, the way to direct our children's hearts towards God and his ways. For in the matter of training (or discipling - for that is what discipline is), the heart is the subject of the matter. In disciplining a child, we a seeking to bring the child's heart towards God and his best standards for living. God draws us in love, but he is not ignorant of our rebellion. He graciously and loving disciples us and sometimes it is hard. But it is through these hard times that we learn. We will surely damage our children if we try to avoid the harsh realities of the natural laws of cause and consequence. And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Matthew 10:28 Much confusion is brought about when we listen to the world's voices. What we have to remember is that most of our modern methods of raising children are based on the theories of men who rejected the Bible. These men, of the late 1800's - around the time when evolution was becoming more and more popular - did not believe that children are born in sin. They believed instead that they are born neutral and that life's experiences turned a child towards that which is 'right' and that which is 'wrong'. So the idea goes, give a child a good environment to grow up in, with nothing but kinds words and gentle leading and the child will turn out well. But, correct a child, and you will do much damage to its self-esteem. Nothing has caused more confusion - because as any parent soon finds out - however good the home environment, original sin soon rears its ugly head. Parents are generally ill-equipped to know how to handle the child's first wilful 'No!'. Of course - God-honouring parents will strive with God's help to provide the best home-environment that they possibly can, it does play its part, but it is not fool proof, not guaranteed to work because the heart is full of sin. To threaten parents into being fearful of correcting their child, in case of damaging their child's self esteem is not biblical and therefore Christians need not feel guilty however much pressure is applied by the world to feel so - when they discipline their children. Learning to prayerfully disciple our children is never easy: you will get it wrong sometimes! Confess your sin to God and to your child if s/he is old enough to feel wronged and ask the Lord for daily grace to continue. Parents are learners, for the rest of their lives! This month, to start the new year, I have some more gleanings from my latest book-find: Ears for Little Gleaners by Herbert Dawson published in 1922 by C .J. Farncombe and sons Ltd. London. Last time we looked at some poems for character training. This time we have some tips for child training in general. I still have not managed to track down whether or not this old book is out of copyright, but I am sure that the author would be only too glad for his work to be given a further lease of life in this day and age that has so forgotten how to practically apply God's Word. However, if anyone claims the copyright, please contact me and I will remove the post. Friendly words to Fathers and MothersOh, what a solemn responsibility rests upon the father and mother to 'Train up a child in the way that he should go." (Proverbs 22:6) The little folk who sit around our tables and play about the house cause many anxious thoughts when we think of the dangers of the path of life which they must tread, if they live. And then we think of the tremendous fact, that our children are hastening to an eternal goal - heaven or hell - O what searchings of the heart a godly parent feels and how such exercises lead to the Psalmist's prayer: "Let Thy work appear unto Thy servants and Thy glory unto their children" (Psalm 90:16) I feel it needs special grace and wisdom to "Train up a child in the way he should go." I have been much impressed by the injunctions in the Word of God concerning the obligations which fall upon fathers and mothers. The children of Israel were enjoined: "When thou buildest a new house, then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof." An Eastern housetop was flat, and served as a garden, a resting place, a playground for the children, and many other useful purposes. A surrounding wall - a battlement - was necessary to prevent people falling from the roof. May not these "battlements" set forth the rules, principles and teaching which a faithful parent will build around a house-hold to prevent his children falling into many dangerous snares? The precept enjoins, "Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." And this will be a great concern of heart to a godly parent. As the husband-man ties the plant to the stake, training it upward, even so the children should be trained in a right way, and fastened to the stakes of morality and uprightness by loving ties of parental affection. This was enjoined upon the father and mothers in Israel: "And thou shalt teach them (statutes) diligently unto thy children" (Deut: 6:7) The marginal rendering of the word "teach" is "whet", or "sharpen," and conveys the suggestion of a "whetting" or "sharpening" a scythe - a significant reminder to parents to continually sharpen the minds of the children in the knowledge of what is right and wrong. The most important method of teaching is by EXAMPLE. It is vain for parents to enforce precepts and principles which they do not keep themselves and live in daily life. If the command, " Train up a child in the way he should go," is to be carried out, the parent must be in the way, and lead therein by a daily example of right principles in the path of life. Three things to watchA parent should watch three important things: the tongue, the hands and the feet. 1. The tongue Idle words, exaggerated statements, frivolity, falsehood and wrong speeches should be checked and corrected. It is a sad sight to see boys and girls who are beyond parental discipline, and who 'answer back', and disobey, and do "as they like". A solemn harvest will be reaped by such parents, and too late, the folly of not keeping children under right government will be proved. 2. The hands It should be a "law of the house which altereth not" to allow no novels, poisonous books, card-packs, and harmful things into the hands of children. (Note: we may think these things hard, but novels belong to the realm of entertainment and immorality, which leads astray - children should grow out of innocent story books as they age; card-packs to the house of gambling and poisonous books these days will include the many promoting witchcraft through magic (Harry Potter etc..) and alternative lifestyles. To these I would now add computer games and mobile phones, with their addictive nature, at the least.) The hand which takes the forbidden lump of sugar (or biscuit!) must be checked. A little thief may imbibe habits of dishonesty, and bring sad havoc to a parent's home and heart. And the hand which strikes the angry blow must be checked also. 3. The feet We live in days when children are allowed great latitude as to what they can do and where they can go, but the Word of God is the same. Can a godly parent allow his child to go to the sporting field, and places where bad company abounds? An honest conscience will answer "No!" The children of modern days will call such a method of "training" strait-laced and narrow-minded, but let every father and mother stick to the Word of God: "Train up a child in the way he should go." The Word of God is old -fashioned, and woe to the parent who departs from its laws. If home life was what it should be, how many youths and maidens would be preserved from going out into the worldly society to obtain so-called pleasures. (Note: Sadly, this must now include many non-serious church youth groups, with their occasions for socialising, over which parents have no control, or introduce youngsters to pastimes which they would be better off without (going to the cinema, snooker/ pool etc..). Christians in times gone by avoided such meetings, as they knew the dangers of putting young people together for times of 'pleasure'. Meetings at chapel should be for the serious study of God's Word with the exhortment to live a godly life and shun the world.) Lawful pleasures should be provided by all fathers and mothers who value the happiness of family life. What are lawful pleasures? Good books for the children to read, music and singing in the home, edifying and instructive conversation; country rambles; many helpful studies in the world in which we live; profitable hobbies and occupations; and a thousand things leading to the fulfilment of the precept, "Train up a child in the way he should go." (Note: These days we are tempted to fill our lives with much that is unprofitable. Beware of how technology is used in your home. It can be used to good profit, but avoid its use, both by yourselves as parents and by children, for mere passing the time and entertainment. As such, it provides an enormous snare for wasting many precious hours.) It should be a special anxiety of mind to a godly parent to lay before the dear young people the solemn realities of eternity, death, and "judgement to come." What a proper sight to see little ones in the house of prayer, and godly parents should make attendance at chapel and school a "law of the house." It is recorded of Abraham, "He will command his children, and his household after him." Constant graceI feel a father and a mother needs constant grace in exercise to be firm to enforce attendance to what is right. Severity and firmness are two distinct words. A command may be enforced with a firm contention for its fulfilment without severity and harsh methods. What is firmness? "Let your yea be yea, and your nay be nay, lest ye fall into condemnation." Such training of youth will lead a parent into the pleasant promise, "Her children rise up and call blessed." I have dropped these "ears" of friendly counsel for parents who profess to know the truth and feel the burden of parental responsibility. Some parents may say "Alas, I wish I could train my children in the right way; I would seek their best welfare, but I feel to come so far short of what a parent should be." The Word of God only shows one way to be sure to "train up a child in the way he should go," -"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of Grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in the time of need. The secret lies in the word GRACE. "The Lord will give grace" to the needy; grace to be a daily example to those who live around us; grace to be living sermons to the young. And so, godly, anxious-hearted fathers and mothers, "Grace be with you all."
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Welcome!After studying for an Early Years Specialism degree (B.Ed. Hons), and teaching in mainstream education, I home-educated my own children, after my husband and I were persuaded of the need to take responsibility for bringing up our children 'in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.' (Ephesians 6:4) We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
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The First book from Christina Eastwood - the first in a triology - only £5.99 (ages 8 to 13).
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